"Losing Jesus- Explored Through Color and Texture"
- a collection of works in oil on canvas and recycled wood by Kat Caldera.
This collection of work displays the variety of energies I have experienced within my own mind, during the last 3 years as I de-converted from fundamentalist Christianity through the simple process of studying science. Waking up from sheer brainwashing is an intense experience for the mind. Coming to see all things in the world in a completely different light causes dramatic change in personality and life choices. It's an extreme experience. I have painted and wrote my way through this process, and this collection of oil paintings gives vivid imagery to the immense emotional and mental process that I've chosen to pursue, despite the tragic loss that has come along with it. There is a literary side to this collection of work...below, you will find descriptions of the meaning behind each painting.
"To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake is to be continually thrown out of the nest."
Painting Titles and Descriptions:
pictures are not available for all of the works at this time, but visit the tea house in May to see them in person!
"Self Actualization" Warm tones were the only ones welcome in this painting. Reds, oranges, a touch of yellows. She stands strong, her authentic self, through a barrage of combative energy.
"Cognitive Dissonance" The discomfort caused by holding two conflicting ideas simultaneously, cognitive dissonance. There was an "in-between" time during my de-conversion from Christianity when I felt the deep anxiety of cognitive dissonance. This painting has many biological and scientific symbols in it, as well as sexual ones, all of which were a rebellion against the religion my brain was washed in.
"Praying the Prayer" The figure of a young girl abandoning the knowledge of her own self, and supplanting it with an ideology that wills to own her mind. The girl does this willingly, naively… All from an intense fear of the idea of hell.
In tiny strokes of red, orange and yellow oils we see the infinite misery that fundamentalist Christianity promises to all unbelievers through an eternity in hell.
"Autodidact Personality" - Blues, like waves of energy. One peaceful energy I know, is the one I find in the pursuit of new knowledge.
"Female Animal" Peaceful, horizontal strokes and soft blending reminiscent of the intuitive nature of a woman.
"Rosi" - bold scrapes of thick color, like the courage new love requires.
Angry Mama Bear - to hit a woman where it hurts, mess with her child.
"Heaven Unprocessed" What's it gonna be like in heaven mom? Fill my head with lies mom.
"Landscape of the Mind" Dark, brownish reds make up most of this painting. In the far distance there is something, of dark and unknown quality. The landscape of this mind is an untold, lonely one.
"Random Thoughts of Biology and Sex"
Green, soft blended background, erratic colors and strokes create the parts of a cell, and other forms found in biology textbooks. Other seemingly erratic strokes form human bodies making love in gender freeing positions. Portrays the world of new thought in my newborn freethinking brain.
"Her Dark Places"
"Poor Escape Route" - Finding a clear path out of an entire life built up around psychologically unhealthy ideals felt impossible.
"New Energies" - Collecting fresh perspective from fresh people